There is a one key skill that you can develop that will make you masterful in relationships. Without this skill, your relationships will be unsatisfying and short-lived. With this skill, you will be…

I don’t care if my wife leaves me. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me? Sure, it would break my heart. Sure, I would cry in strange locations at random times for many…

A relationship usually starts with a honeymoon period in which each person is infatuated with the other. This period can last from a few weeks to a few years, but usually last for about six months…

Recently, my wife has been calling me a good man. She said to me, “You’re such a good man, Duncan!” It really struck me hard because, while some kids want to grow up to be fire fighters, or…

I’m going to start by summarizing attachment theory, and then relate it to my relationship with my wife, Cindy. If you’re already thoroughly familiar with attachment theory then you might want to…

Over the holidays, my husband Duncan published an article entitled How I’m Training My Wife to Be Happy. It’s a brow-raising title and one I knew would catch people’s attention, making some curious…

The first thing I do in the morning, when Cindy wakes up, is to tell her that I love her. With emphasis and enthusiasm, I say, “I love you soooooo much!” Then the last thing I do before we go to…

Only a small fraction of the women I have dated have acted-out consistently on the narcissistic spectrum. I have combined the experiences with those women into a composite for the purposes of this…

I’ve been in therapy on and off, mostly on, for almost twenty years. I like therapy so much that I even trained to be a therapist, getting a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. Anyone who needs that much…

I’m usually at my desk in the early morning, writing nonsense like this, when I hear a distressed-sounding “boo boo?!” from the bedroom. When Cindy was very little she used to sleep in the same bed…

Many years ago, I was listening to an experienced meditation teacher counseling a student about her practice. The student complained that every time she sat to meditate an owl started to hoot outside…

It was the fourth anniversary of our relationship. We were playing in the waves in Costa Rica when I saw that Cindy, five or six feet from me, was looking concerned. I remembered reading that…

I have a memory of being a baby and crying in my crib, wanting, needing to be comforted by my mum. Perhaps I had woken from a nightmare. I cried and cried, getting louder and louder. Somehow, I knew…

This is an off-the-cuff, quick-start care-and-feeding guide for the wonderful woman I’m lucky enough to call my wife. I’m writing this guide in a little coffee shop in Incline Village, Nevada, near…

Yesterday, I published a story called “All My Wife Needs Is Food and Cuddles” (link at the end). When I shared it on Facebook, one of my female friends, who read only the first two paragraphs…

Resentment: a yacht I used to feel with drafting sail¹ and canting keel²; once plied upon the sea of life, then harbored, safe, towards my wife³. At last I chose to seek the sane, with eyes washed…

I used to take relationships very personally. If my partner said something that pushed my buttons, initiating a cascade of righteous indignation, then I would engage with it: “How dare she say that!”…

Everyone wants a great relationship. Most people either don’t know what they need to do consistently to have a great relationship, or they struggle to take action they know is necessary. Having a…

I’ve often heard people saying about others, “He needs to learn about boundaries,” meaning that he needs to learn not to overstep other people’s boundaries. To me, this seems like an inversion of the…

I’m on a plane flying back to San Jose, California from Houston, Texas. My small, blue fishing rod is in the overhead bin. A couple of days ago, on a small boat, I was piercing a hook through the…

My wife, Cindy, has taken part in many sharing circles. A sharing circle usually consists of one person talking about whatever they want while the others listen, don’t interrupt, and attempt to hold…

One of my favorite things about Cindy right now is the way she hides her smiles from me. Sometimes, when I say something sweet to her, she turns away and hides the smile. When I let her know that I…

A while back I read an open question from a friend on social media: “how do you see other people?” I guess possible answers could include: as spiritual beings having a human experience (hear me…

I was on a five-day, solo backpacking adventure in Yosemite National Park, listening to Guy Spier’s book The Education of a Value Investor (paid link) when I felt the inspiration to start writing letters of…

I’m going to tell you about an argument that my wife (Cindy) and I had last night. I’m writing about it partly because I want to show you how unexpectedly productive an argument can be; I want to…

After eating dinner, I sat on the sofa. Cindy was in the kitchen and she said, “Someone didn’t wash the dishes!” in a way that suggested that I should have washed them. “I’m fine! I just wish you…

I have psychotherapy every week. I meditate now and then; I meditated this morning. I go to work. I exercise frequently. I try to sleep for eight hours per night, and I try to go to sleep at roughly…

For me, setting boundaries means noticing and honoring my own needs in relationship. My default behavior is to be acutely aware of what others need, or might need, and to take action to ensure that…

"I have to thank you for something," my therapist said to me as we were about to sign off at the end of a session.

I love you like mountains love clouds, like cats love lasers, like the rough nib of a pen loves the words that flow from it, words it will never understand. I love you like a dog loves the sound of…

Every day we sit for 30 minutes, on the floor, looking at each other, eye-to-eye, sometimes in silence. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we talk about what we’re feeling, sometimes about what we’re…

It was my wife’s birthday recently. She usually declares that the whole month in which her birthday occurs to be her “birthmonth.” At the start of the month, she makes a list of all the things she…

I’ve not been doing well recently. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, depressed, and anxious. Yesterday, I posted the following on Facebook: This generated an outpouring of love and support from my…

I’m not writing this article to shock you, or to brag. I know that, mostly because of shame, sex is often not discussed, or is glossed-over. I know that problems with sex is one of the main factors…

I was talking with a friend recently when I mentioned the emotional bank account. He had not heard of the concept, and I realized that many people might not know about this. I learned about the…